Ellen DeGeneres: Pros & Cons For Hosting The Oscars

 Ellen DeGeneres delivers the funniest monologue about the Oscars on Ellen on Wednesday so we are including it in it’s entirety right here:

“So the other day I told you what I did over the summer.

But I forgot to mention something pretty important, pretty big. I can describe it in one word – Oscar.

My neighbor Oscar finally got his braces off! He has perfect teeth so he only has to wear a retainer for two years.

And, in addition to that, I actually agreed to host the Academy Awards again. The last time I hosted was in 2007 and it was so fun. It was an honor. But it is a big decision and I really … They called and said how about it this year?

I was like it’s a big decision and I want to think about it. The way I deal with making big decisions. I think a lot of people do this. I make a pros and cons list.

I thought I would take you on a journey inside my mind, which is scary, hold on. I thought I’d readyou some pros and cons from my list …

Pro: I get to perform in front of 60 million people.

Con: Oh my God, 60 million people watch that thing.

Pro: I’ll be invited to all the cool Oscar after parties.

Con: I like to be tucked in by 7:30.

Pro: Meryl Streep could get a record 17th Oscar nomination.

Con: Hashtag we’re over it Meryl.

Pro: A lot of fancy designers will approach me to wear beautiful, expensive gown of theirs.

Con: Ain’t no way in hell I’m wearing a gown.”